01 May 2012

The Bandage Dress: A Sign of our Fashion Victim Times?

Have you seen the “Bandage Dress”?  It seems like all the celebrities are wearing them on the red carpet these days.

The Oxford Dictionary defines a “bandage” as a noun, meaning “a strip of material used to bind a wound or to protect an injured part of the body.”  

Sure enough, the bandage dress looks like a roll of gauze dyed a trendy color. A starlet, preferably with protruding hipbones is wrapped up in the bandage-like stretch fabric as tightly as possible without killing her.  If they do kill her, then it's called "Mummification.”

Bandage dresses are perfect for today’s fashion victims because....well, like someone once said, if it’s painful and/or ridiculous, it will find it’s way into women’s fashion or into the mouths of Republican politicians.

Indeed, the word Bandage is just one vowel away  from Bondage, which is what inspires most of today’s shoes, I mean ladies’ foot, toe, leg and ankle torture devices.  

Is fashion another sign that there is a war on women?  Well, there aren’t any really, uncomfortable equivalents in men’s fashion, unless you count Rush Limbaugh’s belts.

But, let’s just think about women’s fashion again for a minute.  Linguistically speaking, it is pretty odd that one kind of dress is named after wound care materials and another kind, the spaghetti strap dress, is named after something you can’t eat a lot of if you want to look good in it.  

Instead of occupying Wall Street, let’s occupy our minds and realize that “fashion” has put us women in a quandry. When it comes to the hoops we have to jump through just to look presentable, they keep getting higher. Regular hair isn’t enough, now extensions are de riguer.  Nails keep getting longer and the artwork on them looks like fractal geometry as painted by Michaelangelo. Most of us can't do either of these things ourselves without tons of practice.

You can say that we love fashion, but sometimes keeping up with it is like having two unpaid internships that you want to quit, but you can't because you think that other people think it makes you interesting. Go figure. But don't over obsess about your figure, that makes you crazy.

1 comment:

  1. uh, oh! my figure – sucking down beers while replying to 75 thousand emails re high school and college reunions, hence will be bloated and puffy at said reunions?!