06 May 2012

New York Men Can't Dress for Sh*t! According to Kanye. Do Your Sock Garters Match the Tassels on Your Shoes, By the Way?

Big news, big news!!!! We can all sleep better now that Kanye West has given all of us the 411  on men's fashion. By the way, 411 is an old school number to get "information." We used to dial 4-1-1 on our rotary phones to find out whether someone's parents' landline phone number was listed or not.
Holy GQ, Batman! Kayne cuts no slack whatsoever when it comes to everybody else's clothes.  

If you are a Manhattan guy who happened to be walking the street when Mr. West was Tweeting as he was looking out of his chauffered car window and you were wearing:
  • "Big Ass Striped Scarves" and/or
  • "Khaki cargo shorts" and/or
  • "Off Brand Work Out Sneakers" and/or
  • "Long Ass Sideburns with the line up RnB Beard", well, Kanye may just have been talking about you.
Oh, and Kayne doesn't like hoodies with sport coats or button up shirts with hoodies either.  Who does he think he is, a fashion designer?  Actually, he is. The jury is out as to whether he could quit his day job, but he is someone who takes fashion very seriously.

We remember when a friend of ours came to New York and was stunned to find out that not everyone on the streets is "Vogue Worthy."  He himself is "Vogue Worthy" and in between getting a weekly mani/pedi, pouring over fashion magazines and wondering or not his sock garters match his shoe tassels, he also holds forth on the scandalously unfashionable state of men out in these mean streets. As HE sees it.

Watch out guys, boys, dudes, and manly men, you are officially warned.  It may be so crowded in the "look how unstylish women are" field that you, too, may be fair game.  Some really insensitive tabloids might even claim you have a baby bump when all you did was have five too many burritos for lunch.  They might even criticize your abs, or your hairstyle or even the knot in your tie. 
Or even worse, Kanye might create a rap song about you called "You Were High On Theraflu When You Got Dressed Today".  Before you leave the house, make sure your "Manscara" isn't messed-up, either. As YOU see it.

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