The title of this missive is: "Sex with Dogs in Bed". Don't worry, it's rated PG
If you’ve never had sex with dogs in bed, I feel sorry for
you. Which brings me to the topic of
dogs and Sochi. Thanks to the 2014 Olympics,
we’ve been bombarded by images of savvy canines riding the trains in Russia and
they look as cosmopolitan as all get out.
I can’t tell you how normal this really is, dogs on mass
transit, dogs figuring out complex processes that some humans find difficult. All dogs reading this understand what I mean. Humans, try to follow.
Dogs in Russia have been riding the trains in this complex
system from point A to point B, P, or X demonstrating the same skills Jennifer Lopez
sang about in her album “On the 6” (referencing the subways of New York), in
order to eat and hang out and maybe get lucky.
Ralph
I had a dog once, (I was an animal companion, in other
words) that developed many valuable skills.
Ralph could rollover 10 times in a row, give you a high five, a low
five, walk on two legs, negotiate walking up the stairs to a slide, slide down
into a kiddy pool filled with water, swim like a dolphin and he could open the
zippers on any bag, purse or luggage piece.
His lap-sitting skills were nothing less than extraordinary. Ralph
looked up at you with his big, Chihuahua eyes and made you, and you alone, feel
as though you are the most special, phenomenal being in the galaxy. And beyond!
He was invited and traveled to places I did not see, nor was I invited to,
including to a fancy bed-and-breakfast establishment. True story.
Dogs I’ve known and observed have always yearned to travel,
trying their best to sneak out the door right on one’s heels, or jumping in the
car with you, or squeezing under a fence.
The urge to travel and see the world is much like ours and there is
nothing so joyous to see as a dog riding in a car with its head out of the
window, fur flying hither, thither and skither. (I made up that last word.)
Humankind and dogs domesticated each other, truth be
told. They needed food, protection, joie
de vivre, warmth on those cold, three dog nights and so did we. By the way, there
were no dogs on the Flintstones, which only reinforces that show’s
non-authenticity, even though it’s one of my favorite cartoons.
So it’s only natural that our four-footed friends would pick
up on our daily activities and hop the train. According to reports, Russian dogs have created
their own version of Sochi Olympic games, challenging each other as to who can
board the train at the last possible millisecond. The losers? Stuck on the
platform in Sochi shame.
(Source: ABC news)
Here’s the thing. Dogs are light years ahead of us when it
comes to one major area: a highly cultivated appreciation of being around
others. In the presence of a group of
humans, a dog will start to smile a canine smile, excitedly wag its tail, and
let everyone know it’s so very damn happy to be in the moment with whoever the
people are. Can you imagine the outpouring
of mirth that would spontaneously explode if dogs were traveling on the trains
to and from Grand Central Station?
And if you so happen to make some moves that have to do with
sex with a significant other in a bed and your dog happens to be there, chances
are, the dog might jump off the bed or go to sleep in the bed. That behavior, too, is something they most obviously
have learned from us humans.
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